i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
