Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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