Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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