She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
