Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
