gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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