Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think your dad took our porno
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
