Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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