Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
