I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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