I think my vagina is haunted
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
