well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
