Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
