So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
