Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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