I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
