Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
