I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
