Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
