i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
