Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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