Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm having to shit out rocks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
