woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize