It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
