Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
