i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't deserve a penis
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
