So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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