She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
