you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
