amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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