god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
