Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
