I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
