We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
