I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
