It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
