Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
