I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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