:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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