I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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