he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
