After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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