somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
