Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
