420 ftw
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize