i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize