considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need moral support for this bender
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
