Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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