508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
