she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
