i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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