69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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