I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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