The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
