Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
