yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
