I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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