he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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