when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize