how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
