So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She bit a glass in half.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize