apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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