no, he came in my armpit
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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