I'm so fucking centered right now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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