i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
third nipple confirmed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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