Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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