I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
