Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize